“Mourn with those who mourn”
At some point in life, we all experience the loss of our loved ones. It is not a question of “if”, but a question of “when”. And when that happens, how do we cope? Is the way we deal with our loss helpful or hurting? World-renowned psychiatrist E. Kubler-Ross described the five stages of grief as: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. These are the stages that grieving individuals have more or less encountered in their mourning process. Grief counselling expert J. W. Worden on the other hand, provides a framework of four tasks to journey through grief: Accept the reality, Process the pain, Adjust to the new world, and Embark on new life. While we are no counselling experts, yet when our brothers and sisters are coping with grief and loss, how can we journey with them? This first part of two pastoral letters on grief hopefully sheds some light on walking alongside our grieving brothers and sisters.
Firstly, we should give them our heart. While paradise is always promised for those received by the Lord, the left-behind bereaved families often miss out on the promise of finding meaning out of their loss in this life. Given the unique and diverse needs of individual grievers, we are called to walk alongside them in such a difficult journey as sympathetically as possible. Romans 12:15b states “mourn with those who mourn.” The context in which Paul was writing was related to loving action and service towards others. The sympathy we show to those who mourn conveys our shared brokenness while we strive to experience the solace only God can give.
Secondly, we need to give them space. The stages or tasks of grief briefly mentioned above may help serve as a reference only, because everyone is unique and so is their loss and grieving experience. We need to refrain from relying on past experiences and/or projecting unhealthily our own emotions onto those we journey with. The journey of grief is as unique as each individual of the entire humanity. Therefore, we should allow our brothers and sisters space and help foster a self-initiated pace as they go through some of the most turbulent times in life.
Who around you are currently experiencing any kind of loss and are in great need of support and comfort? How will you journey with them?
“與哀哭的人要同哭”
在生命中的某個時刻，我們都會經歷到失去親人的滋味。這並不是「會否」的問題，而是「何時」的問題。當這事情真的發生時，我們該如何應對？我們處理失落的方式，是有益還是有害的？世界著名的精神病學家E. Kubler-Ross將哀傷的五個階段描述為：否認、憤怒、討價還價、抑鬱和接受，這些是哀傷的人在哀悼的過程中，或多或少所遇到的階段。哀傷輔導專家J. W. Worden另外提供了一個框架，其中包含四個任務來度過哀傷：接受現實、處理痛苦、適應新世界和開始新生活。雖然我們不是輔導專家，但當我們的弟兄姊妹們面對哀傷和失落時，我們可如何與他們同行呢？這談及哀傷的系列的首部分，希望能為我們，該如何與哀傷的弟兄姊妹同行，來提供一些啟迪。
首先，我們應該把我們的心給他們。對於被上主接去的人來說，雖然樂園總是一個應許之地，但留下來的遺屬，往往錯過仍然在世存活時，於失落中可獲得的重要意義。鑑於個別悲傷者的獨特性和多樣化的需要，我們盡可能帶著同情心，來與他們在如此艱難的過程中同行。羅馬書12:15下說：「與哀哭的人要同哭」。保羅寫作的背景是與愛的行動，和對他人的服侍有關。我們向哀哭的人表達的同情，傳遞出我們一起經歷的破碎，同時我們努力體現只有神才能給予的安慰。
其次，我們需要給他們空間。上面簡要提到的哀傷階段或任務，極其量只能作為一個參考，因為每個人都是獨一無二的，他們的失落和哀傷經歷也是如此。我們需要避免依賴過去的經歷，和/或將自己的情緒，不健康地投射到與我們同行的人身上。哀傷的過程與全人類中的每個人，同樣都是獨特的。因此，我們應該給予我們的弟兄姊姐妹一些空間，並幫助他們在經歷人生中最動蕩的時期，建立一種自發的步伐。
你身旁有哪些人正在經歷任何形式的失落，並極之需要得到支持和安慰？你將如何與他們一起同行？
