Late one evening, while Pastor Peter Scazzero was reading in the bedroom, his wife Geri entered the room and told him calmly, “You know what, I’d have been much happier single than married to you. I love you, but I simply can’t continue living life this way anymore …. I have waited and waited ….. I’ve tried talking to you, yet you never listened. I can’t change you. That’s your decision but I’m getting on with my life.” In a firm tone, Geri added, “Oh, by the way, about the church you pastor? I’ve decided to leave. Your leadership isn’t worth following.”
The above conversation did take place in reality. Peter is the founding pastor of a multicultural mega church in New York City, yet his experience is an uncanny portrayal of many Christian families. The falsehood of living a double life (a godly front revered by many on the outside but a mess on the inside) prompted Peter to face his problems squarely. After much soul-searching, he came to realise that the crux of the problem lies not in the lack of emphasis on bible study, nor the lack of fellowship, nor the lack of trust in the Holy Spirit and the power of prayer, nor an insufficient focus on the importance of worship, nor the apathy towards community work, nor the neglect of the reality of spiritual warfare, nor the overlooking of God’s sanctifying grace.
After many years of reflection and learning, Peter and Geri are now spearheading the Emotionally Healthy Discipleship Ministry. In his book “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality”, Peter pointed out that the Lord made mankind in His image (Genesis 1:27), having physical, spiritual, emotional, intelligent and social dimensions. He observed that in an average church setting, the dimension of emotions tends to be ignored, resulting in many believers living a double life. Those believers may well excel in their workplace and complete their given tasks to a high standard, or they are willing to consecrate their lives to the Lord and serve fervently. Yet when they encounter interpersonal conflicts, they often become timid and weak, or furious and hostile, neither having the ability to handle the dispute in a mature manner, nor the power to alleviate the frustration, negativity and anger within.
Are you emotionally healthy? In the path of your personal and spiritual growth, has the dimension of “emotions” been ignored? How has this influenced or helped you? Let’s continue exploring this topic in my next letter.
一天晚上，當斯卡塞羅彼德牧師獨個兒在睡房看書，他的太太潔利入到睡房，然後跟彼德說：「我想我仍是單身的話，會比嫁給你更快樂。我愛你，但是我拒絕再過這樣的生活，我已經等了…，我嘗試和你談，但你沒有聆聽。我無法改變你，那是你的決定，但我要繼續好好地活。」潔利語氣堅定地說：「哦！順便一提，那間你牧養的教會？我決定要離開，你的帶領不值得我跟隨下去。」
以上的對話的確真實地發生了。彼德雖是美國紐約市一所多元文化大型教會的創會牧師，但他的經歷卻是很多信徒家庭的寫照。這種雙面人（在外受人景仰，在内一塌糊塗）的生活促使彼德正視其問題。撫心自問之後，他發現問題的癥結不是不著重查經，不是缺乏小組的生活，不是不看重聖靈和禱告的大能，不是輕看敬拜的重要，不是疏懶於社會關壞的工作，不是忽略了屬靈爭戰的層面，也不是輕忽了基督使人成聖的恩典。
經過多年的反省及學習後，彼德及潔利現在一同帶領「高情商的門徒訓練事工」（情商是指情感控制的能力）。在《培養高情商的靈命》一書中，彼德提及上帝是照著祂的形像造人（創世記1:27），讓人擁有身體、靈性、情感、智力和社交的層面。他發現在一般教會的情況内，較容易忽略的是「情感」這部份，導致很多信徒過著雙面人的生活。這些人在工作的環境中雖然可以能幹地完成所託，或在事奉的處境中忠心地為主擺上，但面對人際關係的衝突時，往往變成懦弱怕事，或憤怒難當，沒有能力成熟地處理人與人的矛盾，以及疏解積壓在自己內心的沮喪、消極和怨憤。
你是一個高情商的人嗎？在你個人成長或靈命培育的環境中，有否忽略「情感」這部份？這對你有甚麼影響或幫助？容我們下回再談。
