I thank God for giving us this sermon series on Lamentations during October and November. For me, preaching on the Book of Lamentations has been no easy task. Firstly, it is written in poetic form, which presents certain challenges in biblical interpretation. Secondly, when I try to think of personal examples to share in my sermons, I am inevitably reminded of the grief I have experienced in my own life and the times when I have cried out to God in lament.
Looking back on those moments of grief, I believe the most profound experience was moving from Hong Kong to Sydney, Australia, about six years ago.
I still remember that the day we flew to Sydney was our wedding anniversary. My wife and I were embarking on a new chapter of our lives together. On the taxi ride to the airport, I said to my wife, “Why don’t we just stay here and not emigrate after all?” In fact, this was the beginning of my first experience with depression.
When we arrived at the Australian airport, we were immediately sent to a quarantine hotel for fourteen days. My emotional state was still reasonably stable at the time because I had been given a room overlooking the sea. I also had something to keep me occupied, as I needed to prepare for the IELTS test. After that, we stayed with some Christian friends for two weeks, during which my emotional state gradually deteriorated. I was unsuccessful in the admission interview for the theological college I had hoped to attend, which left me deeply discouraged and uncertain about my future direction.
The following day, my wife and I moved into our own townhouse, and I completely lost control of my emotions. I could sleep reasonably well at night, but before falling asleep, my mind would be filled with all sorts of troubling thoughts. During the day, I would sit at the dining table doing nothing, and suddenly burst into tears, with tears streaming down my face. My wife would ask me why I was crying, but I was unable to respond. I would simply continue crying.
This worst period lasted for about two weeks, until Morling College accepted me into its programme. Only then did my depression gradually begin to lift.
As I reflected on this experience later, God helped me understand that the root cause of my depression was loss. I had lost my identity as the owner of an accounting firm, my professional qualifications, my job, my income, my family (except for my wife), my brothers and sisters in Christ from my church in Hong Kong, and my friends...
Of course, even when I was suffering from depression, God had not forgotten me. He saw my grief and continually reminded me through hymns and Scripture that He was my refuge and my help. He also encouraged me through the words He spoke to Joshua:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”— Joshua 1:9
There will inevitably be moments of grief in our lives. Let us, therefore, come before God without fear and hesitation, pour out our hearts to Him, and offer Him our laments.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”— Hebrews 4:15–16
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感謝神讓我們在十月份和十一月份，有這個關於哀歌的講道系列。對於我來說，要傳講耶利米哀歌真是不容易的事。一來體裁上是詩章，釋經上已經有一定難度，二來就是當要想到在講道中分享一些生活例子，就會觸碰到生命中的悲傷，曾經向神發出哀歌的時刻。
回想這些悲傷時刻，相信最深經歷的那次，就是大約六年前由香港移民到澳洲雪梨。
還記得乘飛機往雪梨的日子，就是我和太太的結婚週年紀念，我們一起去開始人生新的一頁。就在往機場的計程車上，我跟太太說不如我們留下不移民了。這其實正漸漸開始我人生第一次患上抑鬱。
到達澳洲機場後立刻被送去隔離酒店十四天，當時情緒還可以，因為被安排了一間海景房，而在房中我要預備「雅思考試」(IELTSTest)，總算有點事情做。之後在基督徒朋友家暫住兩個星期，情緒漸漸走下坡。我在心儀的神學院申請入學的面試中失敗，叫我極度沮喪，不知道方向…
第二日，我和太太搬進自己的排屋(townhouse)，我的情緒失控了。晚上睡覺還可以，但睡着前很多胡思亂想。日間會坐在飯桌前無所事事，卻忽然哭起來，淚如潮水。太太問我為什麼哭，但我卻未能回應，只是繼續哭。這個最壞的情況大約過了兩個星期，直至慕靈神學院(MorlingCollege)收取我入學，我的抑鬱才慢慢康復。
在後來的反思中，神讓我知道我抑鬱的原因是「失去」。我失去了我作為會計師樓老闆的身份、失去了專業資格、失去了工作、失去了收入、失去了家人(除了太太)、失去了香港教會的弟兄姊妹、失去了朋友…
當然，在我患上抑鬱的時候，神沒有忘記我。神看見我的悲傷，祂透過一些詩歌和經文，不斷提醒我祂是我的避難所，祂是我的幫助。祂也藉着祂鼓勵約書亞的說話這樣鼓勵我：
「我豈沒有吩咐你嗎？你當剛強壯膽！不要懼怕，也不要驚惶；因為你無論往哪裏去，耶和華－你的神必與你同在。」
約書亞記 1:9
我們的生命中必然會有一些悲傷時刻，就讓我們坦然無懼的去向神哭訴，獻上我們的哀歌。
因我們的大祭司並非不能體恤我們的軟弱。他也曾凡事受過試探，與我們一樣，只是他沒有犯罪。所以，我們只管坦然無懼地來到施恩的寶座前，為要得憐恤，蒙恩惠，作隨時的幫助。
希伯來書 4:15-16
